Take Time to Date

If you're single, and hope to be married one day, take time to date. Think of how the job search requires active effort on your part--networking, keeping yourself busy so that when you finally get an interview you have something to say about what you've been doing for the last six months, etc. You don't just wander throughout life hoping a great job will land in your email inbox (and if by some unfortunate happenstance, you do do this, stop immediately and read the book The Job Search Solution). In the same way, you have to invest time and energy to date--and to learn about how to date effectively.

I devour self-help books, and hope to write them some day. Books on dating, relationships, and marriage abound, but the bestsellers are actually all quite in line with one another in the advice that they give. I'll save you some time and summarize some of the advice that I've read repeatedly, believe in myself, and try my hardest to practice:

1. Dating is supposed to be a fun learning experience. There's a book titled If it Hurts, It Isn't Love, and I just love that title because it points out how ridiculous the saying "love hurts" is. I don't remember the last time love hurt me--only the times when men I have loved have done or said things that hurt my feelings. Those are two completely different things. Dating is not about drama, heartache, and pain. It's about meeting new people, learning about with what sorts of people you are compatible, and having fun. If your relationship is making you feel bad, it's not good for you--or your friends and family who have to hear about it.

2. Unless you're in a mutual committed relationship, date several people at a time. Women have lots of what I like to call "love energy" and it's good to spread that energy across several people--especially for the first three months of dating as you are getting to know someone. Dating several people is a surefire way to make sure you take things slowly (physically and emotionally), helps you build up an ability to shrug off instances of a guy who doesn't callas often as you'd like, and helps highlight what you do and don't like in each person (e.g. Guy X is more thoughtful than Guy Y, but Guy Y is more interesting). This advice may seem counterintuitive or impossible to achieve, but actually trying it is the only way to show just how useful this tip is.

3. Women and men communicate differently--and that's okay. Thanks to John Gray, I realized that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Once Dr. Gray taught me this important lesson, I drastically reduced my nagging, asking probing questions when I noticed a guy brooding, and worrying when a guy disappeared for several days at a time. Women solve problems by talking them through with their girlfriends. Men solve problems by retreating to their cave (both physically and mentally) to do whatever they do in there, work it out, and emerge ready to play again. You can't chase them into the cave, you can't stand outside of the cave waiting for them to come out, and you can't yell into the cave and throw stuff in there. You just have to go about living your life and wait for them to be ready to join the world again.

4. Online Dating is Grrrreat! I don't care what prejudices you have toward online dating. If you're single and don't want to be, you are cheating yourself out of a great opportunity by resisting it. I've been really happy with my recent foray into online dating. I resisted it for several months, even though two of my friends met their very wonderful boyfriends online. When I finally paid for a subscription, created an authentic and interesting profile, and put up some thoughtfully chosen pictures, I was delighted with how many handsome, smart, and nice guys I met. It took me awhile to get it right though. I will save specific tips on successful online dating for another posting, but I will take the time to plug Match.com, because it's my favorite of the few sites I've tried.

I hope that these tips have at least given all you single Crazy Girls out there some food for thought. Now put all that go-getter energy you used to get this far to find the person of your dreams.

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